I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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