Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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