There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
