we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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