I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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