: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
