He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
