DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
