For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
