A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
