its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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