i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize