Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
