did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
