What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
