its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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