what day is it and did you see me today?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
