The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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