My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
