How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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