Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
