Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
