fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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