4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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