I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
