its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize