So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
