KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
