If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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