You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
