atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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