Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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