I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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