The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i drank out of a bidet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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