I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
