More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
