so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
