Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
