a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
