My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
