If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
