my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize