well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
