im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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