are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
