I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
