We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
