Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize