I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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