I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
