I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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