I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
