you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize