he thought i was a dude.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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