The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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