the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
