I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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