from now on my penis is your penis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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