We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
