new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are my feet made of real feet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
