before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
