Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
