Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
