I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
