I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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