Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize