Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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