I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the day after is always just damage control
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
