I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
