i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
