i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
me + whiskey = a bad person
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
