You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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